The Big Ask
I believe in what I am about to ask you to do.
I believe in it and I am confident in it.
But I am also scared to death.
I just felt I needed to be totally honest with y’all before we go any further. Do I believe? Yes. Am I confident? Also, yes. But am I scared? Heck. To. The. Yes.
You know how Instagram and TikTok and all of the social media’s are full of women who have lost a bunch of weight? And you follow them because you want to know what they did…you want in on their secrets…you want their tips and tricks and recipes. I get it, because hey, I follow them, too!
But have you ever followed one who hadn’t lost the weight? Have you ever followed one who had tried-every-diet-on-the-block-and-still-had-not-lost-the-stinkin’-weight? Did you follow her? Probably not. After all, we don’t want to follow someone who got it wrong. We want to follow someone who got it right. If we wanted to follow someone who kept trying and failing, kept working and messing up, kept sweating and kept crying and kept whining about it all – WE’D JUST LOOK IN A MIRROR! Can I get an Amen?
Enter me.
This January I am inviting all of you to follow me on what will be the biggest public journey I’ve ever taken. It will be hard and embarrassing and I will fail at it many, many times. I will mess up and I will not want to admit it. I will say things when I’m HANGRY that are mean and I will have to ask your forgiveness. I will cry, a lot. I will curse, a lot. I will see someone drinking a sweet tea and accidentally punch them in the throat. I’m going ahead and admitting these things to you so that you are not shocked at my behavior. But I’ve seen myself when I come face to face with discipline.
It ain’t pretty.
But I also believe in myself. I believe in myself in a way that I didn’t know how to when I was 20 or even 30. I look at my life and how precious and beautiful and clunky and messy it is, and I want to be here for every bit of it. I don’t want to miss a second of it. I want to fight this war and I want to win it because I truly believe in what I’m fighting for. When I was 20 it was about my pants size. When I was 30 it was about wanting to have children. But now, in my 40’s it’s for different reasons entirely. I am fighting a battle that has held me for far too long. And I’ve come too far to spend another day captive.
So yeah, I’ve decided to do it publicly. I’ve decided to walk it out right here in this column. I may even start an Instagram page dedicated entirely to this journey. Why not? I’ve been brave before and it paid off…so why stop now?
But here’s my big ask…
I want to invite you to join me. You can be a spectator, if you’d like, I don’t mind. Everyone needs a cheering section! I’d love it if you were mine. I’d love it if you’d keep receiving these articles and keep reading them and keep commenting on them and keep sharing them. I’d love it if you’d cheer for me and encourage me and lend me your help when I need it. But would you consider being more than a spectator? Would you consider that maybe this could be the year you say “no” to how you’ve done things in the past and instead say “yes” to you and what best serves you? Would you consider sticking around for every single minute of your beautifully imperfect, messy, clunky life? Would you drink water with me and go for walks with me? Would you try low carb with me? Would you try intermittent fasting with me? Would you try a million different things with me until we find what works for us? Would you look in the mirror and be honest with yourself, right along with me? Would you look at your body and then look inside your heart with me? Would you pray with me? Would you journal with me? Would you cry out for help with me? Would you allow other things to comfort you besides food? Would you finally realize that the war we’re fighting is not with carbs or macros or treadmills or Dr. Pepper, but it’s a battle for our mind?
Each week you will still receive two Stretch Mark columns. One will be about facial hair or IBS or cankles or whatever I’m thinking about that day, but the other will be dedicated to this journey. So trust me, my IBS issues and my inability to shave above the knee aren’t going anywhere. They’ll still be here. (I know you’re thrilled!) I just hope that you stick around for all of it. 2021 is going to be a ride, I can promise you that.
I’ll give you a couple of days to think about it. I’ll check in with you next week to see who is going on this weight-loss journey with me. If you have 200 pounds to lose, you are welcome here. If you have 15 pounds to lose, you are welcome here. If you have had gastric bypass but have gained the weight back, you are welcome here. If you have PCOS and it’s hurting your chances at having children, you are welcome here. If you are just trying to get into a wedding dress by the Spring, you are welcome here. If you are someone who has trouble putting weight on or keeping weight on because the struggle lies in your mind and invades your every thought, you are so welcome here. If you don’t have one pound to lose but you want to wage war against a thought life that haunts you on the daily about how you look or what you eat, I love you and you are welcome here.
So think it over, January will be here before you know it. And that’s when we will begin to fight the good fight. I will now sign off with a sentence I heard several years ago that has become one of my all-time favorite sayings; you’ll probably be hearing me say it a lot over the next many months…
I can’t do this, but I’m doing it anyway.
Mel
What you wrote painted my picture so clearly and I’m excited to be able to go on a journey with someone else like me. Here’s the thing, I am a Christ follower and I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I’m made in the image of God (still trying to figure out exactly what that means), and that my husband and family all say I’m beautiful (because they have to), but I still feel so ugly. This outside view I have of myself is starting to deteriorate my insides. I feel so depressed, detached, unhappy and FOR WHAT???!!!! It’s just so frustrating, to say the least, and it’s a vicious cycle of diet after diet and at the end of the day, I JUST LIKE FOOD! Yes, those caps are me screaming. I’m trying my best to chose joy each day but it’s hard to see past my flaws and one of those flaws is believing that someone, anyone else except me, will lose weight and feel better in mind, body and spirit. Why do I feel that way? I mean, I have seen myself work my butt off exercising and I’ve done NutriSystem, Atkins, Beach Body, Weight Watchers, South Beach, you name it. It just never fails that something happens out of my control and derails me from my journey. I regress back to my old ways and stay mad that I’m never gonna be pretty enough, skinny enough, or confident enough. Growing up, my mama was anorexic and bulimic. She still, to this day, sends me articles of how I can lose weight, so ya see where this is going? Yeah and it’s not a good thing. BUT, I really really want to show and prove that I can do it because I want to be able to play with my children and one day, grandchildren, get up from sitting Indian style on the ground without horrible joint pain, have more energy, and just live this life that God has blessed me with. Melissa, you just don’t know many times my days have been made better by your posts and videos. Your boldness and bravery are two things I want, and I swear, I’m gonna get it one day.
I was just thinking about this the other day... knowing I need to do it but not knowing how I was going to do it. What do I try first? Which is the best way or the right way? The fastes way even! And it’s going to be by trial and error. I am 51 years old. Seven years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a bilateral mastectomy, a port put in, chemo, lost all my hair, radiation and some reconstruction. I didn’t want implants so I don’t have great boobs anymore lol! Because the cancer was also in my lymph nodes and they removed all of those in my left arm I now have lymph edema in my arm. It is swollen and painful everyday. I took estrogen blocking drugs for five years which threw me into early menopause. I’m tired all the time. I became depressed. Most people I’ve ever known who got cancer lost weight, sometimes too much, from being so sick! With all the chemo and steroids and hormone drugs I have packed on 60 pounds since then! I hate buying clothes. Not only because I’m fat but my chest isn’t right. I don’t wear anything that buttons up the front or v neck. Pullover only. Because of my swollen arm I have to wear a compression sleeve everyday so nothing sleeveless and must have bigger, stretchy or bell sleeves. I want something long. All my pants are black. I’m always trying to cover up. I hate my scarred up jacked up body! I have two grown sons ages 27 and 22. I weigh more now than I ever have even 9 months pregnant! I don’t feel like Ive ever gotten back to feeling the way I was before. I have no energy. Six years ago after completing my radiation we adopted a beautiful baby girl, Isabella (Bella). She came to us suddenly and unexpectedly but oh what a blessing and a joy she has been! My angel! She was 3 weeks old and she knows no different. One day she will ask questions I’m sure and I will prepare for that. But she gave me something and someone to care for and focus on other than myself. Especially since my boys have lived out on their own for a while now. She’s my little best friend. I love dressing her up and buying her pretty clothes. And ya know us southern mommas got to have them big hair bows! And like we often do as moms of small children I’ve let myself go. She asked me recently when she turned 13 would I be old and who would she live with if I die!?! This made me so sad and scared me to death at the same time! In seven years when she is 13 I will be 58 which doesn’t sound old to me. We adopted her later in our years so we are older parents. But I want to be here much longer than that! I want to see her date and go to college and get married and have babies of her own! I need to take care of myself! For her! She needs me. I don’t want to be fat or have heart issues or diabetes. I want to enjoy life with her. I also just got my first grandbaby, another beautiful girl Paisley-Kate, two weeks ago. I want to be around for her too and be a fun Nana and not a tired old grandma. So yes! Take me on this journey with you! We will laugh together, cry together, encourage each other, share with one another and pray for one another. Not only am I letting myself down and my children down I’m letting God down! Everyday I prayed for Him to not let the cancer kill me and I’m killing my self by neglecting my health! So let’s do this! Together! Iron sharpens iron!
Connie