Did I Miss the Meeting?

I had an interesting thing happen to me last week, and I feel like the Stretch Marks community was a great place to bring this up and maybe even talk about it.

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, then you maybe saw where last week I posted an announcement. To many, it looks - at first glance - a divorce announcement. Now, if you read it closely you will note that divorce was never mentioned one single time. But it was one of those “official statements” that couples who are parting company tend to put out. We have seen it on the Internet, we have seen it in People Magazine, we have seen it an US Magazine…so yeah, we know the drill.

And yes, at first glance that is exactly what it looks like. But it wasn’t.

It was, in fact, an announcement that David and I needed to buy a new vacuum. As you know there are certain rights of passage in any marriage, building a home, having children, hosting your mother-in-law for Christmas. I put buying a vacuum cleaner right up there next to those.

All in all, the announcement was a joke. It was meant to be funny. And as of today I have about 5000 comments on that post. 98% of which also, considered it hilarious.

Ohhhhhhh, but that 2%.

Now, at first glance you would think there’s a lot more than 2% that found it offensive. That is because Facebook has the beeeeaaaauuutiful algorithm of putting negative comments first. SMH. You see, when someone makes a negative comment on your post then, more than likely, people will either a) come to the commenters defense or b.) come to the creators defense. In doing so, they make your comment the most “active” comment or most popular comment and Facebook puts it right up there at the top. In fact, last week several of my friends went on and on about how many people hated my comment. But that’s because they didn’t read all of the comments (NOR DID I) - and they were making that assumption based off of the first ones that they saw. Never never do that. Facebook for Beginners. Social Media 101.

I believe firmly in the old adage “Like begets like,” and so I am pleased to say that most of the people who follow me do so because I have the same kind of sense of humor as them or they can laugh at the same kind of things that I laugh at, they like sarcasm, they like dry wit, they like realness and goofiness and authenticity.

So yes, a vast majority of people found the announcement to be hilarious. They laughed at it and shared it and told me how silly and goofy and ridiculous I was. And I am. So yeah, I kind of appreciate that.

But then there was a small scattering of people who found it terribly offensive. Please keep in mind, I at no point mentioned divorce. But they took it as such. And so, they made sure that I knew how inappropriate it was and how hurtful it was to anyone and everyone who had ever been through a divorce. People quickly replied to them saying things like, “That is absolutely not true! I have been through two divorces, and I thought this was hilarious.” Or,  “I disagree, I recently got a divorce and this is been the first thing to make me laugh in a very long time.” But here’s a little something I know about the Internet…. When people think you’re wrong, that is the only thing that matters. You are wrong. They are right. And they will fight you on this until the bitter end, if you’re willing. I, most certainly, am not.

The truth is, people want you to be just like them.

And they are not OK if you aren’t.

And that is what this article is about today.

This article today is about one particular comment that was made that I just can’t seem to get off my mind. It read something like this (and don’t quote me on this because out of the almost 5000 comments there is no possible way I could ever find it and heck, maybe it’s even been deleted [but I seriously doubt it]) Here is what it said:

I went to your Facebook page and noticed you have almost 600,000 followers. And I came back here to say how dare you! How dare you put up a post or video or image that you first don’t run through your mind and ask yourself “how will it make the 600,000 people that follow me, feel? That is the problem here Melissa, you did not consider all your followers.

All of my followers?

Is she serious?

Am I supposed to consider the feelings and the politics and the way you worship or the way you were raised, the state of your marriage and the number of kids you have, your blood type, what you find funny and what you don’t… am I supposed to consider that all 597,000 times before I put anything up? Is this what we have come to?

Please believe me when I tell you I did not come to fight and I did not come to argue. I do not have the time to debate whether or not my post last week was OK or whether it was insensitive. Personally, if you wonder if I regret putting it up ask yourself this: has it been pulled down? Because I can tell you - in earnest- that if I regret something, I will remove something. If I’m ashamed of something I’ve done or said, I will take it down.

So no, I’m not here to debate whether it was good or whether it was bad - I’m here to simply ask, when did we all stop refusing to sit at the same table? When did we all decide that we can’t sit together and that you must move…there’s a different table for you. You are not like me. Sit over there!

I can’t tell you one thing Joe Rogan has ever said.

I can’t tell you one song that Neil Young has ever sang.

I’m just simply asking, when did we decide that we must all walk the same way and talk the same way? Did I miss that meeting? Was I out that week? I must have been.

When I hear someone stand and say “I will remove my music and I will remove my books and I will remove my voice if you don’t remove (insert name here)” it makes me shudder.

It makes me sad.

It makes me confused.

And maybe it makes me realize how naïve I am.

To think that we could all sit together, eat together, break bread together, share a space together, search out common ground …well, call me child-like, call me naïve, just make sure you call me sad.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Though I will tell you, I am FIERCELY PROTECTIVE of each of you. No judging or ganging up, no being ugly, no being mean. You may wonder why I don’t do that on Facebook – but Facebook is open territory, it is real estate for the masses. This here, this is community. And I’ll cut a bitch for my community.

The table is wide and the seats are many. And the only rule: No turds allowed. The end. Amen.

Love ya. Mean it.

Melissa