When I was young my favorite thing in the world was taking home the Scholastic book sheet, from school. I loved the day that the teachers passed it out! It was a little, tiny, colorful newspaper with nothing but books on it. And like an old man having his morning coffee, bran muffin and reading his newspaper: I was in heaven. I would throw that thing underneath my arm and head straight to the bathroom. I’d spend 20 minutes on the toilet reading all about the latest and greatest books being offered and I’d circle the ones I wanted to purchase.
Beverly Cleary? Loved her!
Judy Blume? Read every single one!
Nancy Drew Mysteries? They were the greatest!
But my all time favorite? The one that I just could not say ‘no’ to? The CHOOSE YOUR OWN ENDING adventure books. Remember those?
Jenny has a decision to make. Should Jenny continue on into the cave with only her dog and her flashlight (turn to page 18) or should Jenny turn back and go get the police (turn to page 7)?
As a kid, I didn’t get to make too many choices. But right then, in that book, at that moment, I got to decide. I felt big. I felt important. I felt in complete control over my own life….and, over Jenny’s. But there was another reason why I loved the choose your own adventure books. It was because no matter what I chose, I could go back. I could have a do-over. If I messed up on page 18 - if Jenny went into the cave and came face to face with a family of leather faced serial killers thus leading to her untimely demise - that was okay, because I could go back and choose page 7. And on page 7 Jenny goes to the police station and yada yada yada, she’s home in time for dinner.
I’ve thought about those books over the years and as fun as they were to read, I can now tell you from the ripe old age of 40ish that choosing your own adventure is not all it’s cracked up to be. Life has taught me that making decisions and being faced with choices and sometimes making right choices but sometimes making really really poor choices is, in a nutshell, crappy.
But life has also taught me that do-overs, though rare, are so sweet.
They feel a lot like grace.
I’ve made some really right decisions in my life.
Marrying David Radke? Right decision.
Staying married to David Radke even when it got really tough and heartbreaking and earth shatteringly bad? Right decision.
Giving birth to a child that I knew would not live but that would create a story in me that I would get to share with the world, thus allowing him to live on? Right decision.
Choosing adoption? Right decision.
Starting our own business in Nashville? Right decision.
Watching that business crumble during a recession, forcing us to move back home to Texas and rebuild our lives? Right decision.
Did you notice anything in the paragraph above? If not, go back and read it again.
Notice that every decision I made, even if it was painful, led to the beautiful do-over. See, broken marriages often lead to beautiful restoration stories. Death often leads to life. And losing is what gives us the chance to rebuild.
When it comes to my health, my weight, my size, I’ve chosen wrong a lot of times. What about you? I’ve chosen junk food when I’m bored. I’ve chosen to hide food and eat it in secret, when I’m scared. I’ve chosen to overeat when I’m anxious. I’ve chosen to eat till “full” simply because inside I felt empty. I’ve chosen not to move my body because I’ve been too tired. I’ve chosen comfort when being uncomfortable would have benefited me more. I’ve chosen page 18 over and over and over again…and it didn’t work out for Jenny and it hasn’t worked out for me.
But it’s time for the beautiful do-over.
You get a do-over, too. Every morning that you wake up and take a breath in, is your chance for a do-over. It doesn’t matter if it’s snowing or raining or a beautifully sunny day. It doesn’t matter if it’s a pandemic or our world is at war. Everyone in your life can be running head-first into the cave with Jenny and Leatherface but you, YOU get a do-over. If you want it. If you’re willing to take it. You get a chance to turn around. You get a chance to make things right. You get a chance to learn from the broken in order to make room for the healing.
Please consider a do-over. Please consider trying again. Please consider that maybe every painful decision you’ve ever made was so that you’d have a story of redemption to tell on the other side. Every story doesn’t have to end in a dark cave. Just ask me. Just ask Jenny. We get to choose our adventure. Please consider taking one, this entire year, with me.
The next 12 months of our life begin with a decision we make in our minds, today. Today!
Your body, your weight, your marriage, your mind, your career, your parenting, your health, is waiting.
Choose wisely.
I love you,
Melissa
The Beautiful Do-Over
Beautiful!!! I'm ready for a do-over.
Love you, too. My heart is beating fast. I'd like to make this journey and succeed. Usually it gets hard and I quit. But not this time. Your emails to us sound personal and that you care. That's the change for me.