I’m traveling today. As I write this article I am on my way out of town and there are four other people with me. The plan was to leave Lufkin at 6:45am, which would allow us time to pull through Starbucks and get some life giving coffee.
No lie! At 3:40am, my eyes popped open and here are the words that filled my foggy foggybrain: “Don’t order Starbucks.”
(See why it’s so bad to get up early? Wickedness abounds at such ungodly hours!)
I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but the thought plagued me. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I love Starbucks....I crave Starbucks...I smell Starbucks even when it’s not in the area. How would I possibly say no to a grande chai latte with 3 pumps of cinnamon dolce and 3 pumps of white chocolate? (DON’T JUDGE ME.)
Truth is, I can have what I want. No one has told me I can’t have Starbucks. No one follows me around with a wooden spoon waiting to pop my hand like I’m a small child. But I try my gosh darn best to intermittent fast every day from 8pm until about 1 or 2pm the next day. I can do this. This is doable! I no longer scream, cry and rend my garments like I did when I just started out. It’s easier now.
And so at 4:27am, I quit warring with myself. The decision was made. I made it last night when by 8pm I had finished my dinner; so I wiped my mouth and never ate another bite.
Sometimes you have to war.
And sometimes you have to decide.
And then sometimes, on other days, you drink the dang coffee.
As they went around the car, everyone placing their order, I sat sadly in the corner and made sure everyone knew how sad I was and how I was wasting away even as we spoke and I made sure they all heard me say “I can’t. I’m fasting.”
I’m kidding!
(Nobody likes those people. Don’t be those people.)
I casually said, “Nah, I’m good.” And I meant it. I am good. I’ll live.
We got on the road and I thought to myself, “Well, Mel, at least it wasn’t Chikfila. You’d cut a person before you’d reject Chikfila. Or a breakfast burrito. Thank tiny baby Jesus it wasn’t a breakfast burrito.”
We had made it officially 40 minutes down the road when - I kid you not - the driver said, “Oh my word. We have got to stop at this little dive up here. They have the best breakfast burritos you’ve ever had!”
Sometimes I really hate my life.
But I had already made a decision. And so I stuck to it. As everyone made their way out of the car to grab something that smelt heavenly I said a prayer that went like this...
Dear God,
I need help. Not like a major amount, I’m not exactly being kidnapped right now, but I need some nonetheless. Which is why I love you, because if it matters to me - big or small - it matters to you. So would you do me a favor? Would you give me strength? Would you make my belly feel full and make my nose quit smelling? Can you do that? Would you do that? If it’s weird that I’m asking then how about this...just be stronger than me. Can we just agree on that? I’ll be weak and you be strong and I’ll just rely on you. Cool? Cool. It’s March, God. I’ve committed twelve months to you and this way of eating. So only nine more months of you being good and me being whiny, and you being strong and me being whiny, and you knowing best and me being whiny. But after that? I’m eating the burrito!
Amen.
Sometimes when we’re weak, He isn’t. And if it’s important to you, it’s important to Him. And I just thought you might need to be reminded of that today.
I love you,
Melissa
I needed this today more than you may ever know♥️ Thank you for sharing! I have been claiming Proverbs 16:3 as I begin this “healthier me journey”...this post was a great reminder that He’s in this with me!
This made me cry, because today has been hard for me and instead of relying on God to be stronger than me I ate the cookies and drank the Coca Cola Classic. Thanks for the reminder that if it matters to me it matters to my God.