Let’s Talk About That Grudge…

Hey friend,

I want to talk about something tender today. Something that might step on a few toes—but I promise, I’m doing it in love. (And maybe in a pair of too-tight wedges, so the stepping will be gentle, I swear.)

There’s a chapter in Chicken Fried Women where I talk about forgiveness—especially among friends and family. Y’all, I’ve heard stories for years from women who haven’t spoken to their sister since that Thanksgiving in 2003 when somebody brought store-bought pie and didn’t own up to it. Or the college roommates who haven’t said a word to each other since someone didn’t get asked to be a bridesmaid. Or cousins who only speak through gritted teeth and family group texts.

And I get it…

Offense is easy. It’s everywhere. Trust me, if there’s one way we KNOW how to live - it’s offended.

It’s in a Facebook comment, a tone of voice, or the way someone didn’t hug you in the church foyer.

But here’s what I’ve learned: we were not created to live bitter. We were not designed for distance. We were created for community. We were made for connection. And if we’re holding on to unforgiveness, then we’re missing the very thing our hearts need most.

Now, don’t misunderstand me—I am all for healthy boundaries. I believe in removing toxicity and honoring your peace. But some of us have put up so many walls that no one could get back in even if they tried. And sometimes, the “toxic” person isn’t actually toxic—they’re just human. Like you. Like me. Messy and flawed and worthy of a second chance.

There is something Holy—yes, Holy—about being the woman who picks up the phone first. The one who says, “I don’t want it to be like this anymore.” The one who chooses reconciliation over being right.

I know it’s hard. I know it’s vulnerable. But I also know that healing is worth it. And your heart? It wasn’t meant to carry the weight of resentment. It was meant to beat freely—with love, with grace, with restoration.

So maybe today’s the day you write that text. Or make that call. Or pray a prayer for the woman who hurt you and ask God to help you see her with His eyes.

We don’t have to do this life alone, friend. And we were never meant to.

You’re not weak for wanting peace. You’re strong for chasing it.

With love (and sore toes),

Melissa

Author of Chicken Fried Women…Keeper of Awkward Stories…Believer in Second Chances