I've Never Been Held Hostage...

But I have been in a group text before.

I have a story about my Chicken Fried Women. But first, you need a little recap.

Chicken Fried Women is the name of my upcoming book - but it is also the name of my women. The women who make up every part of my life.

My best friends from Nashville? Chicken Fried Women.

My childhood besties? Chicken Fried Women.

The girls I vacation with every summer? CFW’s.

The women in my family? The Original Gangsters of Chicken Fried Women.

In my book I consider the women who make up our lives - who we pray with, fight with, go out for Mexican food with, make casseroles for, babysit for, throw surprise parties for, who teach us, humble us and have our backs - to be our Chicken Fried Women. They may be a little battered on the outside (the world will do this to you, ya know?) but inside they are soft and tender. Some are salty - while some have a little spice.

You may call your girlfriends The Steel Magnolias. You may be Thelma and Louise. Your group might be The Fried Green Tomatoes. That’s okay. Names are good. But at the heart of every woman in your life - is a Chicken Fried Women.

That’s who they are at their core.

Battered, bruised, tender, spicy…delicious. We. Are. Chicken Fried.

I have been in a lot of hairy situations with my women. I have been stuck on an elevator with some of them. I’ve been in an extremely awkward couples massage with one of them. I have been in a plane, a train and a Jaguar convertible with them. I have been on a ship, a ferris wheel and a trolley with a few of them. None of these did I mind. All of these were fine. All of these were harmless.

But let me tell you where you would not want to ever - I repeat, EVER - want to be with the women in my family: A GROUP TEXT.

I love that group chats can now be named. Isn’t that convenient? I can label the text chats between the women in my family “Women in my Family” and all I have to do is type in those words and the text thread will come up and I can begin my text.

It doesn’t seem hard.

My mom still can’t do it.

Every single time she wants to know the inside scoop on my cousin Michelle’s marriage or whether we think her hair is really blond or if she’s coloring it - she accidentally adds Michelle to the text thread.

When she wanted to know why Aunt Melba was 15 minutes late to church last week - she asked me and Meridith… and Aunt Melba. (This was particularly awkward when she ended her text with “Y’all don’t even mention this to Melba. She already thinks I’m up in her business.”)

I’ve known what I was getting the last four Christmas’ thanks to her text to the family that said “Does anyone know if Melissa wears a 2x top? She’s big chested like Gene’s sisters.” And as always, I answer her with a “yes mom. I do. I’m on this text.” This past Christmas she got so frustrated she texted back “WELL MELISSA PAIGE, GET OFF!!!” I thought about telling her it doesn’t work like that but who has that kind of time?

Last week she texted me and my dad to tell me that my dad really needed hearing aids and she wondered if I might say something to him because “your his baby and he’ll do whatever you want, but he doesn’t listen to a thing I say.” My dad wrote back, “Melissa, will you tell your mother to get glasses? I might not can hear - but she obviously cannot see who she’s sending these messages to.”

Blurg.

If you want to hear more Chicken Fried stories like these, then make sure you’re listening to my podcast, Chicken Fried Women: Friendship, Kinship and the Stories that Made Us This Way. We have gotten such a generous amount of support and excitement surrounding this podcast and it’s really blown me away!

Last week I interviewed my Aunt Melba. (Please go and listen to that one!) On the way home from Chili’s later that day she said to me, “Melissa, I know that you interviewed me for a podcast but I cannot figure out how to listen to a podcast. I need you to show me. I don’t want to hear myself but I want to hear the one Meridith is on or the one your mom recorded. Can you show me?”

“Yes,” I said, “I will show you when we get home and are parked in the driveway so you can watch me pull it up on your phone.”

“Great!” she replied, “Until we get there you have got to listen to this Dateline podcast I’ve been listening to. It’s about a man who murdered his mistresses’ mother. We think. I’m not to the end yet.”

“I thought you didn’t know how to listen to podcasts! I thought you couldn’t figure it out.”

“I can if they’re really worth searching for.”

See what I deal with?

Find The Chicken Fried Women Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify Podcast, YouTube Podcast or your favorite podcast platform. While you’re there go ahead and subscribe and leave a 5-Star review!