It's Been a Long Time Comin'

Hi, friends. Thank you so much for signing up for these emails. This is an important one to me. In fact, I have wanted to write this letter to you for the past two years. But I’ll tell you why I waited…

Sometimes, we are involved with something that appears to be a lifeline for us. Let me give you an example. “Melissa, I have a job I hate but it pays better than any job I’ve had. I can’t leave it. That would be insane.

Granted, I’m not doing what I love, I’m not even proud of what I do. I have gifts and talents and passions that consume my thoughts…but this job? This job is a sure thing. A safe bet. I have too much on the line to leave it.”

Even if you have never been in a situation like this, surely you get where I’m coming from, right?

For the last two years of my life this is exactly how I have felt about Facebook.

I didn’t love it, but scared as heck to leave it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a great place for so many. And it was the launching pad for my career (Red Ribbon Video, anyone?) I could not be more grateful to that platform and those who have followed me on it. But about two years ago, it started getting way too loud for me.

I first noticed this during the pandemic. I assumed it was just the pandemic causing me to fall into depressions or become anxious, but when the pandemic was over - these feelings stuck around. I, like most people, thought that our world beginning to turn again and people venturing out of the house again and masks not having to be on worn all the time was what was keeping me on edge.

“I’ll feel more myself once the world is back to normal. There will be a light at the end of this tunnel and then I’ll be myself again. After all, this can’t hang on forever.” But I was wrong. It did hang on…forever.

So, for the first time in my life, I began to take antidepressants and anxiety medication. Before taking meds I had always just relied on prayer…meditation…time spent with those I love…vacations…long baths, and I had always been able to hold off the wolves that were howling my name. But I couldn’t this time. This time I needed medical and professional help.

In October of 2021 I had one of the worst (actually now that I think about it, probably the only) mental breakdown I have ever had. It scared David, it terrified my children, my parents were a complete wreck. I mentioned it to very few other people, in fact, I would never dream of writing about it because it is far too personal, but suffice it to say, changes had to be made. So we made them!

I lost weight. I ate healthier. I started working out. I made conscious decisions about the people I let in my circle. I chose people I trusted and who challenged me and called me to be more, do more, serve God more.

I put every piece of advice from my counselor, my Pastor, and my mother to work. I did all the things. And I felt better, I truly did. So, why was it still so loud in my ears??

I looked around at what in my life had not changed.

Because my friends had.

My weight had.

My marriage had.

My blood levels had.

But my work had not.

I churned out video after video trying to be funny. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

If I did a Hello Fresh LIVE people would ask why I was trying to sell products instead of making them laugh.

If I made a video trying to make them laugh people would ask why I was always so snarky.

If I made a video about my weight struggles I would inevitably hear “this isn’t why I’m following you, make more funny videos.”

But when I made more funny videos I would read comments like, “This girl needs to lose some weight.” But this was my job. Creating content was what I did. And to leave a social media platform with 600K+ people? That would be insane. Right??

So, I stayed.

But it got harder and harder. Louder and louder. Social media gets so loud around elections…so loud around mass shootings…so loud around news stories…so loud around what they do and don’t like…so loud about what they do and do not agree with. By 2023 it was deafening.

In 2023 I had two posts go sideways. (Notice I did not say they went “viral.” Viral means a video has over a million views; I have had 35+ videos do this. These particular videos went “sideways,” meaning, they were like wildfire with negative comments.)

Without question I never would have thought these particular posts would go anywhere or make any kind of dent. But, boy did they. If you don’t know which ones I’m talking about, trust me when I tell you, it doesn’t matter. I won’t even name them here because they aren’t the point.

The point I’m trying to make is that one of them was a written post and the other one was videoed (in a parking lot no less) by me: Melissa Radke, a 49 year old stay-at-home mom who loves her kids with all her heart, adores her husband, but muddles through life like everyone else.

My kids got me a coffee cup once that says “World’s Okayest Mom” and nothing has ever been more true. I’m a hot mess most days. I work-out at 6am and prefer no one speak to me at the gym. At home they call me a Rage-Monster until about 10am. I cook dinner 5 nights a week because, like most families, we are on a budget. I love Jesus but I cuss a little.

Today, as I type these words, I am wearing a sweatsuit I bought over a year ago at Sam’s Club. I don’t own one single pair of designer shoes, I would never in my right mind pay $300 for a sweatshirt and the two Louis Vuitton bags I own - one came from my dad and the other I won in a little league baseball raffle in 2016. (That was a big day for me!)

When I list things I’m most thankful for I always put my church on the list. And I absolutely, wholeheartedly, 100% and without question - LOVE PEOPLE. My mom taught me the importance of loving people and investing in them, and I have been doing that to the best of my ability since about 2005…but “the best of my ability” isn’t saying much.

Why did I just type out those descriptors of me? Because it’s important to me that you know WHO I AM when I make a post. And I am never, ever, a vicious or bad intentioned individual.

I found the noise from those two little posts to be deafening. And here’s what they screamed at me: You’re not enough, you never were. You’re in the wrong business. You aren’t likeable. You’re certainly not loveable. You are barely tolerated. People hate you. They don’t believe you. They don’t even like you.

But listen when I tell you this: Those things about me AREN’T TRUE. They aren’t true about me and lest you ever think for a moment that they are true about you, you’re wrong.

In the quiet of my bedroom God would remind me over and over again: You are more than enough. You always have been. I placed you in this business and where I place you, man cannot remove you. I like you and I’m all that matters. I have loved you before you were even born. I not only tolerate you - I adore you.

(He’s saying these things about you, too.)

So, last year, David and I looked at our lives. At what was working and what wasn’t. At what was building us up, not tearing us down. And to where God’s hand was moving. And to what was best for my mental health, creativity and productivity.

Facebook was one of the places that had been a lifeline for us, but Facebook was never supposed to be that. God was.

And so, I wanted you all to know that Facebook will look much differently for me. I have been transitioning for a couple months now, maybe you’ve noticed.

I will still post occasionally; great sales, things that I think are funny, new books I’ve written, new books I’m reading, new courses I’ve created, new places God may be taking us. But I will LIVE the majority of my life on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and right here on Stretch Marks (my column, blog, newsletter, etc., where i get to write).

“But Melissa,” you may say, “Instagram and TikTok are no different!” And you may be right. But as for now, and as for me, they feel very different. They feel lighter, kinder, chiller, less confrontational.

That may change, and if it does, I’ll make the necessary adjustments. (Usually that means blocking people. Which I have zilch, zip, zero problem with.) But for the foreseeable future, I see myself getting in alllll sorts of messes over on these platforms.

And listen, if you aren’t familiar with these, get familiar. One woman told me she was too old to learn Instagram. Y’all! My 90 year old mother-in-law figured it out. There’s an 80-year old woman with 2 million followers on TikTok, so if she can do it - you got this. Spend 20 minutes on it and boom! Done.

• I post daily on Instagram. And make sure that you learn to see the little bubbles up at the top with my name on it. That’s me, walking around my house, plucking my chin hairs and letting my dogs out to poop. It’s exciting stuff!

• If you like seeing David and I fight online then check out our daily show called, The Melissa Radke Show, coming soon to YouTube. We will be advertising the start up date very soon, so keep reading these emails!

• I post silliness on TikTok, but I have found the people on there are far more gracious and quick to forgive. They seem to know we are all a little messy, so that bodes well for me!

• Lastly, David and I once heard in a social media conference this quote: “The only real estate you should be buying online is your own. Platforms rise and lower, swell and fade, they aren’t sound investments. But your website? Your email list? Those are yours and they are forever.” So if you follow me here on Stretch Marks then we have your email and that means we are friends forever! I won’t bombard you with emails though, I promise. *And we will never, ever sell or share your information with anyone!!

• And if you ever want my EBY codes, my BeautifulYu deals or my Lange links. If you ever want to look up one of my courses or see where I will be speaking then simply go to www.MelissaRadke.com - I’m always there.

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure why I wrote all that I did. This has just been so heavy on my heart and I really wanted you all to hear it directly from me. I know I come across as someone with a thick skin, but I’m not.

My heart has been broken more than once over the thought that people were upset with me. But maybe someone reading this is also struggling with some noise, and if that’s you - then I shared all of this for you. Because the truth is: the only noise that should EVER be in there ear is the loving and leading voice of God.

I have felt His kindness and comfort over me and my heart so much in these last several months. And although it scares me to approach a platform of 600k+ people much differently, I TRUST that God will bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that His hand would be with me and that He would keep me from pain.

Oh friend, I know it can be scary to step out, but I heard a quote the other day from Pastor Steven Furtick that I am building my 2024 around. He said: “Just because it doesn’t feel safe, doesn’t mean it isn’t secure.”

God has us.

Mel

P.S. Follow along with me on:

Instagram: @MsMelissaRadke

TikTok: @MelissaRadke

YouTube: @MelissaRadke and

Stretch Marks:

Melissa Radke