I don’t want to make you jealous (yes, I do) but I cannot tell a lie. As you read these words I am lying on a beach in Cancun, Mexico and neither of my kids are with me.
I’ll let that soak in.
For the first time in about 10 years, David and I are on a vacation ALONE. No kids, no friends, no family. Just us. David and I are an odd couple in many ways, and one of those ways is that we spend a lot of time together and we like it like that. We work together, we hang out together, we have fun together, we laugh (a lot) together. So, flying to the beach with just him didn’t sound anything but GLORIOUS to me. Oh sure, we will talk about our kids the entire time and we’ll make sure our ringers are on at the highest volume in case they try and contact us. But it doesn’t mean that we would want this week any other way. Just us.
We are also doing an all-inclusive here in Cancun. We’ve never done an all-inclusive resort before. I have heard absolute horror stories about all-inclusive and then again I have heard rave reviews about them. So I found a travel agent I trusted and voila! Here we are! And I have to tell you, so far so good. I will report back after our trip is over and let you know how we enjoyed it.
It is absolutely gorgeous and we have a butler, so even if I had to eat tuna fish every night over a trash can, who cares. I have a butler! He looks at me funny when I say things like “Dooocccttttooorrrr Peeepppppppeeerrrrr” really drawn out so that he can understand my accent better. And he did reply “that is not my job” when I winked at him and told him how bad my feet hurt after traveling all day. And yes, he is not super keen on keeping me company when David spends too long in the bathroom. But EXCUSE ME! I’ve never had a butler before so no, I don’t really know how to act. And let it be stated for the record that the Attorney General did not in any way know that I sprung for this luxury nor did he approve of it. He did however tell me that he hoped I enjoyed ice soup because that is what we’d be eating for the rest of the summer. He’s a doll! (insert eyeroll here)
I think this might be the first summer in thousands of summers that I have felt like I made a good decision in the bathing suit department.
As you might have found in your own life, bathing suit shopping feels like a root canal with zero numbing. It’s as painful and hellacious as one can possibly imagine. I have a feeling if Prisoners of War were sent to a dressing room with a woman and 80 bathing suits on a hanger, they would give up any military secrets they might have.
But this year I found not ONE but TWO swimsuits that I really like.
Are they sexy? NO.
Do they cover 108% of my body? YES.
Will people look at me and instantly know my age? ABSOLUTELY.
Is there a skirt attached? YOU KNOW IT.
But do I feel good in them? Yes. And that matters when you are going to be lying on a beach beside three sorority sisters who flew to Mexico for the weekend because their Hot Girls of Ole Miss calendar shoot was exhausting.
I will not show you a picture of said swimsuits and I will tell you where I got them. BUT SO HELP ME! No one laugh. I cannot be out here with my most authentic self and have y’all laughing over the fact that I got them from……(gulp)….QVC. That’s right! Karma is a butthole. I have ridiculed my mother for years for buying everything but her burial plot from QVC and now look at me. I’m right there with her. I’m 69 years old and buying swimsuits and stain remover from the shopping channel. Only Jesus can save me now.
You may be asking yourself if I look anything like these women in my swimsuit? The answer would be a resounding HECK TO THE NO. Look at them with their fabulous hair, straight white teeth and hope in their eyes.
They have clearly never traveled to an all-inclusive with David Radke. Let’s see if they still look that cute in their swimsuits after they overhear their husband asking the Butler, “You want to bring me what? Coffee?? Does that cost extra???”
Someone pass the SPF, it’s gonna be a long week.
Mel
I love those suits, especially the ruffles on the second one! I hope you have an amazing time, and let us know how the resort was!
We are at an all-inclusive in Cancun also, the Occidental at Xcaret! This is our first time and we are absolutely loving every second of it!! Hope you continue to enjoy your vacay!